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June 26, 2008

They Wouldn't DARE!!!!!!!!

After reading Nella's comment I just wanted to clarify to all my friends out there reading this, that I'm not talking to anybody specific. By no means was this aimed at anyone. I just saw the post and just tried to put myself into the author's shoes and posted... and didn't think to clarify or specify.

That being said. Miss Choco Pie had a similar response which was basically "as long as I'm physically able to come, I'd be there"... that was the ultimate gist. Which really sucks that a friend may not be at this future event, but at the same time, really, could I ask for much more? I think that's the perfect answer and feel bad for kinda giving her a hard time.

I think what bothered me most about the post below, was #1 - i can see that happening to me - and it's not fair to be punished for choosing to go later rather than earlier. And I'm sure punished isn't the proper term, but in essence not having my nearest and dearest on what is one of the big milestones in my life, is somewhat punishment - so its selfish but it just shows how much i care about each one of my friends... and #2 it's a helpless situation. Regardless of what I do or want to be done, its a situation that is left to the powers that be... Like in the case of my good friend who just welcomed her beautiful son into the world ... Next week is one of our good friend's weddings. For Carebear, this friend is one of her best, roommates through college, partners in crime through high school etc etc... and i know if she can't make it, its b/c she really just can't make it. One week out, I wouldn't expect a friend to be at my wedding and in fact, just knowing how much she'd want to be there would be enough... So in that situation its totally ok b/c the attitude... i guess ultimately what irked me most about the post below - is the dismissive attitude that the author's friends seemed to have.

I really don't need to worry - b/c my friends wouldn't do that & even if they couldn't make it to my big event... just like Miss Choco Pie said, I'm sure its b/c they just physically aren't able...

I just saw this post on the Board on WeddingBee and just got worried... I mean if this does happen to me, you know i wont be happy, and You know I will let y'all know too...

Read below and tell me your thoughts...

So does anyone else feel like they just waited to long to get married. I guess that's not exactly what I mean. I'm older, 32, but not that old, but all my friends and a lot of my family and FI's family are having or have kids. We want a nice wedding, have planned a wonderful weekend, are providing babysitting, but it just feels like I'm battling a surging tide.
Today one friend with a son said she doesn't have time to practice to sing in my wedding anymore, a bridesmaid says that all of a sudden she's worried about traveling with her new baby and may not come, my SIL is due within weeks of my wedding, and another bridesmaid says she would probably prefer to skip our rehearsal dinner in favor of the more family friendly BBQ we're throwing at the same time.
I love kids, I love my friends, and I've tried so hard to make sure everyone's happy but no one is, especially not me. I feel like a big wimp or ungrateful or something but I'm just sad. Sad that this just isn't working out even after giving people a years worth of notice to work things out.
I don't know, I'm just really bummed out and I'm wondering why I'm planning and paying all this money when it's just an inconvenience even to my best friends. Does anyone else feel they missed the boat? I didn't really have a choice since this was just whats right for us, but now it feels too late. The kids have arrived and we are totally not with the times. :(
We were the last as well. It totally sucks, to be honest. I felt like no one cared at all about our wedding. Especially when 3 babies were born in our immediate family less than a year before our wedding. Honestly though, these people should not have agreed to be part of your day if they feel like they can no longer com mitt. They don't sound like great friends to be honest. Obviously its hard raising kids, but they certainly shouldn't take over your life! But the bridesmaid who doesn't want to go to the rehearsal dinner sounds the worst! That's part of her "job" too bad! I have always put forth all my effort for other people's "moments", no matter what is going on in my life, so I was a little upset that the same was not done for me. But they definitely did the things they had to do, like show up!
I don't really know what to say about it. It makes me angry that while we barely had enough salary to pay our rent we still went to all of their weddings, dished out $ for travel, hotels, showers, bachelorettes, etc. Like you we are also offering babysitting at our wedding (which we are paying for ourselves by the way, unlike all of our friends) so hopefully they will take advantage of this opportunity.
I understand and agree that children should be a parents first priority--but that doesn't mean they can ignore or cast aside their friendships. Rather, I really think when you have kids is when you also have to make an extra effort to maintain your friendships. I guess there is nothing to do but just give a gentle reminder every now and then that you really would like to spend some quality time, without the kids. Hopefully they get the hint.

My Friends wouldn't do that to me... Right?


  1. My dear dear Amy - please know I love you! But, I must admit kids change our ability to maintain the same level of commitment to things that we had in our pre-kid days. But, I don't think anyone would dare commit and then back out unless it was an absolute necessity - i.e., the inability to find someone to care for the kids kind of deal. So, baby and all we plan on coming out. I know that with the absence of a babysitter and the need to maintain our sanity through maintenance of Isabella's schedule, that we probably won't be able to make every event while we're there. But, I agree with the comments about not agreeing to do something if you already know your kids are going to be needing care and you don't have a reliable source of assistance with the kids.

  2. Hey sweetie -- I can totally understand the position! I have often thought ... okay when I dared to think ... that I were to be in your shoes - how sad a part of it would be because there's no way I could expect those I love to make their happy way out to wherever we are.... there is an element of 'punishment' - I mean in one sense it's smart to wait but then the conequences are kind of painful!
    Again - I'm just glad that TC, Isabella and I will be there! (crossing fingers and praying for no unforseen circumstances)

  3. i hear you girl....i'm neutral on this topic. its hard for me to completely understand, but I dont have kids. (shrugs shoulders)

    I also commented to this bee...i understand how she feels in that all my friends aren't as excited as i see the people on tv and online being. thats the reality and it hasn't met my expectation. I'm not 'old' by a long shot (26)and only one of my friends is married with children.....not sure if there is an "excuse" in my situation....

    but this is my i'm trying to not let it get me down that much

  4. If it makes you feel better, we can't wait to leave the kids with their grandparents and come to CA WITHOUT them!! LOL. But if you pick one of those venues with no hard alcohol, we're bailing. JK.

    And my own sister first bailed on being my MOH, and then didn't come to the wedding at all. She was living in Kentucky and due to have my nephew any day, but part of me will always believe that she would not have showed regardless, and she was secretly glad to have the excuse of the pending birth to keep her from having to tell me she didn't want to be there at all anyway.

  5. Hey - at least you can be certain you will NOT be last! When my day finally comes (if ever,) the *yawn* I may receive at that point will be heard around the world. Everyone adores you, and will move mountains to be there to support you and drool all over you both, so no worries! I'll be there, even if there's no booze. I prefer apple juice, so you can seat me at the kiddie table with the 4-year-olds. ;)

  6. Read this post. Sad for the bride who's friends committed then bailed on her biggest day. It happens though and it sounds like she just had bad luck and felt insignificant. I can tell you that I will be there on your wedding day cheering you on! =)

    I'm currently in a wedding party where no one wants to do anything for the bride. I'm not the MOH and it's like pulling teeth to get the group to arrange a bachelorette & bridal shower. Everyone's grumbling about doing it... Now that's sad...


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