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April 28, 2009

To gift or not to gift?

A friend of mine were recently talking back and forth and a question came up regarding bridal parties and gifting. So, since i think i know what I'd do in any given circumstance, I want to pose the questions to my readers.

Scenario A: You are in a wedding. The Bride/Groom cover most if not all your expenses - dress, shoes, hair, make up, and or nails and you help (financially, time, and effort) throw the expected bridal parties/celebrations... let's say at least 75% of your costs or more the Bride and groom cover aside from the parties.

Scenario B: You are in a wedding and expected to pay most if not all of your wedding costs - dress, shoes, hair, make up, and or nails and you also throw the expected bridal parties/celebrations.

And obviously there are many stages of in between gray in these scenarios... in which instances, do you feel that you are expected or should give a wedding gift as a person in the bridal party?
Do you feel that no matter how much you pay for the pre-wedding events and the attire for the wedding that you should still give a gift?
Do you feel that it all depends on your financial situation?
Do you feel that your gift is the time and money you spend on the pre-celebrations and/or dress/hair/make up etc?

What are your thoughts?

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  1. This is a really good question.

    I've always had to pay for my own attire, etc. (with some small exceptions) and help host and pay for the bridal showers, parties, etc.

    If I could afford it, I would LOVE to cover most of the costs for my 2briesmaids. I unfortunately don't think I can though.

    So to answer your question, no matter what the circumstance, I would always give a wedding gift to the bride and groom. I suppose if they paid for a whole bunch of my costs, I would have the room to be more generous in the gift-giving.

  2. My husband is going to Florida for a wedding, he's the best man. We are for his tux and events, and plan on giving a gift.

  3. I think that I would still give a gift. In the weddings I have been in I have paid for my attire, hair, makeup, etc, and still provided a gift. I didn't really think of it as a big deal though, it's their wedding and they mean a lot to me, so I wanted to give them something.

  4. I think in both cases something even if just something as much as a card should be given. But if the bride and groom know that a person in their wedding party is having financial issues they shouldn't expect anything. I was in my cousins wedding and covered all cost and the part of the bachelorette party and shower but I still gaver her something from her registry. I think it depends on the person financial situation.

  5. I personally would gift the bride and groom no matter what the situation. If I am being honored by being in their bridal party, it means I am one of the coupels closest friends.

    If I was in a tough financial situation and had to cover all of the wedding costs, I would still get a gift, just not as lavish, but something meaningful to the couple to wish them well.

    On the other hand, as a bride, I don't expect my friends to give me a gift, since we are young and most are just graduating college. i tend to have higher standards for myself than others. I wouldnt expect a gift from others, but I always love to give gifts.

  6. Gift - always. It can be something small, or a meaningful token. It doesn't have to be expensive at all. The best gifts usually aren't! :)

  7. i say you give a gift either way, but the size of the gift would be different in each scenario.

    At some point you are going to be in and/or attend their wedding and have to pay for their expenses as well. it just happens.

  8. I agree...a gift should always be given whether it's a smaller token or a larger gift, it really depends on the situation. I will say that having been in 7 weddings, I have taken into consideration how much I've spent on on attire, travel, etc, how close I am to the couple (e.g. whether they're family, friends, and how much time I've expended. May sound mathematical but in the end I want to be sure that I've been somewhat equal amongst all my friends.

  9. "To gift or not to gift?" That is the question.

    Easy answer:


  10. I think that a bride/groom should be sensitive to wedding party members who are struggling financially...

    However, I still believe in giving a gift, even if it's a small thoughtful one :-)

  11. I would always gift. Not giving a gift at a wedding just wouldn't feel right.

  12. It definitely depends - there are so many situations and factors to consider. I guess I view the question differently because traveling to weddings is such an expensive proposition that while I would love to shower any friend with wonderful gifts - you have to hope that your friendship is on solid enough grounds that the friend would understand if your personal finances could not afford a lavish gift. But then again, I try to only keep people around me that won't hold grudges for a slight social error if our opinions differed on the subject!

  13. I would definitely give a gift either way, but if being part of the wedding party strained my budget the gift would definitely be something small. Also, if there are several members of the wedding party I think they can go in together on a gift. That sometimes ends up costing everyone less and you can get something they want from the registry.

  14. I think a gift is always important (at least a card). If you're really so strapped for cash you should talk to others in the wedding party and maybe taper back from those expenses.

  15. The summer I took the bar I was in a wedding and really strapped for cash - and I had to pay for travel/hair/dress/makeup etc etc - I gave the couple a small token gift at the time, and then six months later gave them a nice wedding gift. It worked out well.

  16. I think you should still give a gift even if you pay for the dress etc... It might necessary have to be a big gift though. Depending on how much the other things costed etc.

  17. I would gift either way though depending on my financial situation, I don't think I'll be able to afford a lavish gift if I had paid for everything.

  18. Interesting topic! I have assisted to many weddings, including mine... and i think that no matter how commited you are with the couple and the organization of the event, you still have to give them a wedding gift. There are many gift retails online and on streets, you just need some time and some dollars to take a look around and chose one. That's what my friends did on my wedding day!

  19. Gift! Once I spent almost $200 on bridesmaid related things and $300 on a gift for the bride. Why? She is one of my best friends and I wanted her to have the gift and cash to start her new life. She'll be a co-maid of honor and I'm sure will spend a bit on wedding activities because of the distance.

    If I was in a different financial situation, I may have given something smaller. But I think a guest should always bring a gift. Like others have said, it doesn't have to be expensive, just something thoughtful. Not a lame package of popcorn, a dvd, and some candy.


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