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January 28, 2010

Marital Counseling Session {Session 1}

We had our first marital counseling session... I don't know the exact words for it, but basically our Officiant, who is also my Uncle/Pastor/Marine (all one person... REALLY!) and FH and I webcammed.  He was so enamored by the webcam and when my aunt came home she showed us her new puppy. LOL.

Our first session was just to kind of get an overview of what he hoped we can gain from the "meetings" and how we can use what we discuss to best equip ourselves for the task ahead... working on nurturing this fundamental relationship for the rest of our lives. A huge task, but we are starting with small assignments.

1) Think about short and long term goals as a couple. Figure out what we enjoy to do and set plans.  FH and I said we like to travel, and our officiant said "then make goals so that you can have something fun to work towards besides just trying to pay bills".
2) Evaluate the marriage you know best - your parents. The good, the bad, the ugly... the truth. What do we want to do same and what do we want to do differently? Be truthful... This is a more daunting task but i think we are ready to tackle it
3) Re-evaluate Boys/Girls Night Outs... Now that we will be starting our life together and living as one unit, no longer two singles... how do we approach that? What about date nights? Discuss

So not too difficult... and my mind is already spinning with thoughts.

Have you had any counseling sessions? Have you found them helpful? Hurtful? What did you like best or worst about it?


  1. We had our first session last weekend and I loved it! It is very similar to yours... and will last for 11 more weeks! I think it's been very beneficial so far. Looking forward to learning more! Enjoy them and really take it all in!

  2. I really want to have some sessions because I think it will be beneficial. But we have not even found our officiant yet so it kinda limits when and who we do counseling with. But I think it helps you assess and to really talk about things!

  3. We haven't gone to any official pre-marital counseling but we did see a psychologist for other relationship things and it's surprising how much we ended up learning. I've always thought that I know myself and the Mr. really well, but another set of eyes and ears definitely helped us to see things differently. I would highly recommend seeing a professional to any couple... even it's not official pre-marital counseling or a full course, I think it's worth it!

  4. I was at a dinner party last night and somehow this topic came up! The 2 married girls both said they had pre-marital counseling and highly recommended it.

    1) Its a chance to step back from all the crazy wedding planning to remember the real reason for it all!

    2) Both girls said the pastor brought up topics that they had not discussed with their future spouse in a long time, or maybe had not even thought about, and it was nice to get on the same page.

    3) They both also said, it helped them understand the reasoning a little more about how men handle things like arguments/disagreements vs women (in their case, the men tend to speak their peace and get over it in 5 seconds, women tend to hold back and stay upset longer...etc)

    We haven't started counseling yet but I think we will now. Reminded me of some great reasons.

  5. We did this, too. And I love the questions and things to discuss that your Uncle gave you...especially the last one. I think that is a matter of personal choice in all realtionships. Some couples decide that they don't want their spouses going out with members of the opposite sex anymore once they are married...though it is totally not my thing at all, I completely respect and understand that decision. Good stuff to hash out before wedding day :)

  6. As many couples do, my husband and I had pre-marital guidance and found it very beneficial. But believe it or not our First Dance lessons were very much like mediation on the dance floor. We learned a lot about ourselves and each other in the process of learning about the teamwork involved in partner dancing. And when the instructor wasn't around to supervise, we had to develop coping strategies for cooperating without losing our cool! It ended up being a fun date night that we looked forward to weekly to escape wedding planning stress! :)


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