Get The Relentless Bride Blog in your Email!

January 24, 2011

Not Preventing vs. Trying to conceive

Question of the day: at what point does "not preventing" pregnancy mean that you are "trying" to conceive? Does going off the pill automatically assume you are trying to conceive?

We spend so much time preventing or controlling the ideal time to when we'd like to start a family in society, that it seems that when you stop preventing it, the automatic assumption is that you are basically trying to conceive... but is that really the case?

Is there a period of time that when you stop preventing pregnancy, that you really are not "trying" to conceive? or is "not preventing" automatically put you in the Trying To Conceive category?

For the Husband and I, we were in the "not preventing" stage (just entered that stage) but many of our friends assumed we were "trying" - when in fact, we weren't "trying" but just wanted to let nature take its course. But does that mean we ARE trying?

A total random thought that floated into my head this weekend, that is really a trivial matter, but curious to see what you think?


  1. I think "not preventing" means someone is in a way trying, becasue otherwise, she would not have gone off the pill. Still, actively trying is different.

  2. I have to agree with Bicoastal Bride that "not preventing" means in some way trying. Though the distinction should be made between casually trying and actively trying. For instance I went off the pill and have been monitoring my ovulation (and now thanks to you charting my temp) and hubby and I are considered to be actively trying (even utilizing TCM herbs and diets from our CMD) to conceive. I would say since you got off the pill but aren't actively pursuing it would be just casually letting nature take its course.

  3. Totally disagree. Just because you go off the pill, doesn't mean you are trying to have a kid. Just because you have unprotected sex with your husband, doesn't mean you are trying to have a kid. Sometimes it means you are lazy. Sometimes it means you're throwing caution to the wind. Sometimes it means you just don't know whether you want to have a child or not, but you also don't want to eff up your body with loads of estrogen or deal with the overall nastiness of condoms.
    Not everything has to "mean" something.

    1. I agree. Not sure if I can have kids but not sure if I care. Married to the man of my dreams & don't want the chemicals. Nor do I feel the need to take my temperature or check into surgery. We haven't used any form of birth control for over a year & nothing so far. I feel my healthiest & we're happy with whatever happens.

  4. Good question. I kind of wonder this myself. I think that "trying" would indicate taking measures to try to produce a baby. I think just being off the pill doesn't mean you;re preventing it and you're fine with it happening, but I'm not sure I would consider it "trying" as much as just playing the odds. Basically I'm no help! Ha!

  5. oh I love this :-) I went off the pill the day after our wedding. And..umm...I got pregnant three weeks later. BUT - we weren't "trying" per say. I was ATTEMPTING to clean my body from chemicals from contraceptive pills...and thought perhaps we would be more financially (and mentally!) prepared for welcoming a baby after a year of marriage.


    Our little one is due in a few weeks and we are still working on the "mentally" prepared thing (as the financially prepared portion is clearly not in the stars for us!)

    I wish you luck with figuring all this stuff out. As much as we thought about it all - nature really did take its course and made decisions for us :-)

  6. I am a firm believer in the trying vs. not trying. For years, my parents did nothing to prevent a pregnancy, but then there were times when they were actively TRYING to have a baby. My friend also wasn't trying when she conceived her second - they had just decided the BC wasn't doing so well for her, and they were ok either way. Both cases had fertility issues though, so maybe that colors my view.

  7. I think there is an element of trying by not preventing. But either way, hope it all goes as you both want it to!

  8. It makes sense that "not preventing" in a way means you are trying...I get that.
    My husband and I, we are not preventing it. However, we are not thinking babies. So I don't feel we are trying. We just feel, IF or WHEN it happens, that's when it's supposed to happen so we will just go with life and when it comes to it, then that's just fine.

  9. Is there a period of time that when you stop preventing pregnancy, that you really are not "trying" to conceive?


i love comments, so please feel free to leave me lots :)
make sure to let me know you stopped by

All posts will be moderated via the Relentless Bride Policy

- See more at: