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February 25, 2011

Make waiting fun...

So while, The Husband and I aren't trying yet, a friend recently sent over an article she read about how to make the two weeks of waiting between ovulation, conception and finding out if you have conceived go by faster. The article is called "Finding Humor while waiting to take a pregnancy test" by Lilian Botonti. I know once we get cleared by the Dr., this kind of humor may be just exactly what I need ...

Top ten ways to find humor while waiting... and i'm just relisting some but not posting the whole article, so make sure to check out the full post! And note, this post is to make you laugh :)

"10. Play my favorite game - Punch Prego. It's very similar to Punch Bug - you know - when you see a VW Bug, you punch your friend? Only now, every time you see a pregnant woman, you punch your partner on the shoulder.


9. Go yard sale-ing for baby items.


8. Make a list of all the things you won't be able to do while pregnant - and do them all. 

7. Borrow your best friend's new puppy - but only if it's not house trained.


6. Go someplace where people don't know you, and pretend you're pregnant. Hold your tummy a lot, and walk around with a sweet glow on your face. And be sure to walk into Motherhood Maternity and browse. And when a pregnant woman looks at you quizzically as to how far along you are - say "I'm almost 6 months along and can barely still fit into my size 8 jeans!" If we're jealous of preggos, we might as well make them jealous of us.


5. Keep a diary of all the symptoms you have- sore boobies, acne, twinges, headaches, backaches, runny nose, emotional, diarrhea, constipation - and analyze every single one. Most likely you're not pregnant - and they're just imaginary symptoms. But it's important to give your spouse an idea of the hell it's going to be when you do get pregnant.


4. Convince your spouse that you need to go on a road trip. At least 6 hours away. This serves a couple purposes. First, if you're not driving, you can sleep. And everyone knows that when you sleep, time flies. Next, just the fact you have to plan, and pack, and drive there, and drive back - that's seriously wasting your time. And finally, once you get pregnant, you know you won't be able to drive 6 hours anywhere without stopping at least 8 times to pee. So enjoy it now. And laugh at the preggos at the rest stops.


3. Go to the grocery store and buy pregnancy tests, tampons, and a bottle of wine. Be sure to go in the line with a teenage boy. They get really nervous. 

2. If at any point you do start spotting - blindly ignore the obvious. Hope to God that it's implantation bleeding - and then be sure to move as little as possible. Seriously...get the hell in bed, keep your ass
there, and meditate. You don't want to do anything that could possibly hinder implantation. Keep your uterus nice and relaxed. Whisper sweet calming thoughts to your uterus and will it to work with you for once.


1. Go shopping. You need some sexy new low rise jeans, some really expensive while lace panties, and a pair of white linen shorts. A new bathing suit would be good too. Because you're sure to get pregnant if you buy anything fitted or sexy.


If all else fails, lock yourself in your room and cry. Besides, if you leave your room, at least 4 friends will announce their pregnancies on Facebook and glow that "it's such a wonderful surprise because they weren't even trying!"

4 comments:

  1. Punch preggo sounds like fun! And yard sale-ing for stuff is a good idea! My friend found a barely-used Bumbo for $5!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This. Is. Hilarious. I love the punch preggo. I'm going to play that one but I won't tell my husband about it. I will just let him figure it out. That will be more fun.

    I kind of like the lock yourself in your room option. If I hear about one more person getting knocked up that wasn't trying or only tried one time and "it was so easy" I'm going to scream.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i think punch preggo might be a new game in our house... not that we are waiting to get pregnant but just because it sounds like so much fun ;~) of course we already play punch buggy... we're that mature!

    ReplyDelete

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