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May 05, 2011

Just a little pressure

So lately, every time I speak with my mom the subject of babies or grandchildren come up. Seriously. I spoke an Aunt I haven't spoken with in a while and she also asked "Are you with child? When are you gonna get pregnant?" As if its something I can just pencil into my date book and voila ... it happens.

The last conversation with my mom went something like...

Mom: "When are you going to give me a grandchild?"
Me: "um...well, mom ... actually, your grandchild will be here tomorrow."
Mom: "WHAT?"
Me: "Yeah, we ordered one online and it should be delivered tomorrow via the Post man!"
Mom: "No... you are joking... don't joke like that!"
Me: "Exactly, I can't just order one up and it happens... we have barely gone through one cycle... you'll know soon after I know. Just be patient!"

We all recall my Fibroid and Cyst removal surgery back at the end of January. From that time, i've had one annovulatory cycle which meant that my first period came after 55 days. The next cycle was 36 days with a late ovulation... so i'm obviously still recovering from the procedures and from coming off BC... so while we are in the mode of healing and welcoming any new additions we may be blessed with in our life, we are not in the anxious mode of baby making.

This brings me to the purpose of my post... Just a little bit of pressure. It comes in all sorts of ways. Simple questions of "are you going to have a baby?" or more pressure like "where are my grandchildren?"...all of it turns into pressure. And the pressure is stress, right? With or without the intention, this can weigh heavily on a person trying to conceive.

And i've been guilty of this as well and only realize this now, that sometimes the mere repetition of asking "so how's the baby making coming" or "so no babies?" causes pressure - pressure I never meant to cause, but could have inadvertantly done so. Many times we don't know they are struggling ... so, its not our intention to be hurtful - but it sometimes can just isolate the person further.

I'm much more aware of this now... and am trying to be more conscious about how i broach the question. Often we say it jokingly and pretend to be applying the pressure that our families and society tells us we need to do ...after marriage, the next questions usually are about babies or family. and I'm usually a very jokey type person. But it is a personal matter and even the jokes can apply pressure. I'm trying to be more sensitive about this with friends and even acquaintances, b/c I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And now I can see how sensitive of an issue this could be ...

How do you handle this? Have you ever thought about if the subject should be broached with sensitivity? Have you struggled and how do you handle your response?

3 comments:

  1. I have this problem with getting married. My BF and I have been together for almost four years (next week!) and we are like freaks to the rest of the world. When are we going to get married? Why are we not engaged? What is going on? When will he buy a ring? It isn't enough that I'm anxious as hell about it, but I need the rest of the world breathing down my neck? Not really. I just smile and say it will happen when it happens (an answer I HATE when someone says to me). As long as they think it doesn't bother you, then they usually calm down and leave you alone. Good luck!

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  2. We'll have been married for 2 years in July, and THANKFULLY people haven't really been asking us. Part of it might be that my husband's brother and his wife are about to have their first baby any day and are taking a lot of the focus off of us.

    Honestly, I don't want kids anytime soon and I sincerely hope people don't bother me about it. But if they do I might say, "You know, the more you ask me, the longer we'll take." Hahaha.

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  3. I think the second answer sums it up!

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