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May 11, 2012

No, I am not Mom Enough...

Lisa Belkin on Huffington Post says what I want to say in regards to the Time Cover...(Please read her whole article, I'm just highlighting the parts that I really feel speak for me!)

"No. I am not Mom enough....


I am not Mom enough to take the bait. To accept TIME's deliberate provocation and either get mad at this woman for what I think I know about her from this photo, or to feel inferior, or superior, or defensive, or guilty -- or anything at all, if it means I am comparing myself to other mothers. 
...
The breastfeeding conversation is not titillating. The TIME cover is. 

Breastfeeding is not a macho test of motherhood, with the winner being the one who nurses the longest. In fact there ARE no macho tests of motherhood. Motherhood is -- should be -- a village, where we explore each other's choices, learn from them, respect them, and then go off and make our own. 

Women who breastfeed their children for three years are outliers, but they are not spectacles, and we shouldn't hold them up as either Madonnas or freaks. Women who do not breastfeed are not monsters, and we should not condemn them, or really have any opinion about their decision at all. 
...

So, let's talk about that. But let's not wrap it in the tired trope of my-way-is-better-than-yours and parenting-means-choosing-a-camp and cool-we-can-put-a-breast-on-our-cover-if-we-say-it's-a-social-schism. 

I refuse to see either a heroine or an extremist in TIME's cover photo. I won't condemn her or praise her. I will not stoop to the level of pretending that we are so unidimensional that we can be divided by a lifestyle choice. 

I am not Mom enough."
And just to add my two cents to this. I know that I speak about my own experiences raising Annabelle from birth and beyond, and while I try to thoroughly explain my decisions and what may have prompted me to make those decisions, I am in NO WAY saying my choices are the best choices for everyone or that my way is the only way. If I ever refer to the "right" way or the "best" way, it is in the context of our family and not a general statement. I will not judge others for doing things differently and I only ask the same in return. 

I hope that all my readers know that I have opinions about pretty much all issues dealing with birth and parenting, but my opinions are about the methods or actions, or non supportive culture we live in; and never about the parents. We have a hard enough time dealing with our own mommy guilt for each decision we make, we don't need to judge each other and give one another a harder time!

6 comments:

  1. I think the Time cover is ridiculous and just a publicity stunt and takes away from the true message of Breast Feeding. With that said, personally I would never feel comfortable breast feeding a toddler that age. Assuming I can even make it to a year that's probably the point I will stop, but to each their own.

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    1. I agree. They are trying to sell magazines. And whether a person decides to breastfeed for a week or a year or 3 years, I also agree with you - to each their own! (and breast feeding longer doesn't make you a better mom just like not breast feeding at all doesn't make you a bad mom). *sigh* can't we all just get along? :)

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  2. Great post! I think it's so sad the way moms judge one another and how these issues are being hyped up in the media. I'm not a mom yet, but I likely won't breastfeed for a number of personal reasons. I can already imagine the backlash I'll get.

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    1. It is sad how moms judge so much. And you are right, you will get backlash - but that is almost with any thing you decide to do with your child (which is just ridiculous). I also got backlash for breastfeeding - so it runs both ways sadly. All I will say to you is to be open minded. No matter what you do, I know you will be a great mom and your choices will be right for your family :)

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  3. Love her quotes and thanks for sharing! I've been hearing similar sentiments from other moms, and so far it seems that moms are getting fed up with all this divisiveness. While the photo is provocative, perhaps this will serve to band moms together more than divide...?

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  4. Such a great topic of conversation but soo sad Times had to sensationalize it!

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